My Thoughts: How your pregnancy not only impacts you but everyone around you
Around four months pregnant! So much yet to come!
Okay so let's take a break from how my pregnancy was going, as I don't want it to seem like a never ending list of problems I had, to talk about how it impacted other people around me.
You may be thinking that pregnancy only affects the individual, and yes it does affect us ALOT, whilst other people can be wonderfully supportive we are the only ones who feel the constant symptoms of pregnancy (backache, waking up every half hour for a wee, getting out of breath going up one flight of stairs... To name a few)
Although I never realised how much it would affect others in different ways.
Firstly my partner, the one who was by my side day and night for 9 long months, listening to every moan and dealing with all my mood swings. Not saying he shouldn't have had to deal these things, growing a baby is hard on mummy and daddy but looking back I realise how hard it must have been for him in other ways.
As I've said I didn't have an easy pregnancy. Almost from day one he would hear about my constant woes and aches and pains and not be able to do anything to help apart from be there, and listen and listen and listen some more.
We moved in together when I was about 8 weeks pregnant ( great timing if you don't want to do any of the heavy lifting!) and of course we was over the moon, but by this point I was feeling pretty rough and the night of sickness started pretty much straight away after moving in. I remember one day he cooked a lovely dinner of hot dogs and curly chips (one of my faves, so healthy I know..) and I took one look at it before spending the next twenty minutes in the bathroom whilst he ate alone ( although he did get more hot dogs out of it!!) and that is just one example. It got worse.
Then came the mood swings, looking back I regret losing my temper/getting upset so regularly, but I know at the time I literally COULDN'T control myself. Them hormones are a bitch. I was a bitch. One time I told him to buy some Coke after work... A simple request right? To my HORROR he brought home some Coke Zero. As I unpacked his bag and saw the black label and not the red I kind of lost it. 'All I wanted was some proper Coke!' 'I've been home all day alone and now this!' 'I said COKE not Diet Coke!!' Oh and I shed a few tears too. What on earth. He was very good with this and didn't go to mad at me for being such a psycho pregnant girl. I did apologise fifteen minutes later along with the crying mumbles of 'I don't know what's wrong with me!' He must of thought he had won the jackpot moving in with me right?! We do laugh about it now and it gave all our work friends/everyone he saw a right laugh when he told them the next day.
This wasn't a one off, I did have quite a few moments! Even though i was happy I was pregnant I just felt so upset sometimes, so fed up with feeling so awful, then I'd say something to my partner and make things even worse and then feel awful for what I said etc, it was a vicious cycle. You're so scared and excited about what's coming and everything's changing and feeling strange that it's just so hard to keep it together a lot of the time, especially when mixed with them pesky hormones.
Of course it wasn't all a hard time, when we got to see our baby for the first time, when we got to find out the sex, first time we felt the baby together etc are all such wonderful moments that I'll remember forever.
My lovely boyfriend came to every appointment he could with me ( even the glucose test where you literally have to sit in one spot for two hours) and when he couldn't my mum would normally come along. I had literally about 100 appointments during my pregnancy so for them to do this I found so lovely. I know it was hard on my mum during the last month especially as she was with me so much at my appointments, sometimes having to wait all.day.long for results and she would sit and talk to me all day, but it also meant a lot of her time was taken not only driving to the hospital all the time but also the long days spent there, feeling again helpless to help me apart from be there, but that helped more than I could have ever wished for.
The saddest part of it all is how reluctant my partner is for me to do it again anytime soon, if ever. I look back and wish I was easier for my partner, so he wouldn't think of pregnancy as such a draining experience, but I also know there was nothing I could have done to change things and one thing we all know is that it was worth it, but to be honest I'm not sure I would want to go through it all again, even more than he doesnt!