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| Maternity leave was an amazing blur but unfortunately it couldn't last forever! |
I am writing this before I've even decided on a title (although I'm sure by now I have one) as I don't even know the direction I want it to go in. There is so much to say on this topic, and it can be viewed as a touchy one sometimes.
I work part time three days a week, which means I am at home 4 days a week. (although this is going to change soon, but that's a whole other post in itself...) This is a pretty good balance on the outside by anyone's estimations.
I think all Mums are amazing, in whatever they 'do'. If you are a stay at home Mum then good on you, that by far is not an easy job at all! If you work full time to bring in the money for your family, then you should feel immensely proud. Chances are no matter what you do in your work life you've probably felt like what I'm about to say.
Lately, at times, and I think this is largely do with other stresses in my life, I've been feeling like I'm feeling the pressure of being all things to all people. Now, before I go further please don't get me wrong, I LOVE my life as a whole, and when I decided to settle down and have a child I knew there would for sure be times like this! However that doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to sometimes feel slightly frazzled, and not the yummy bacon kind.
This is no pressure that anyone at all puts on me, my fiancé is super helpful and understanding, as well as an amazing Dad. No, this is pressure that I largely put upon myself! We can all be our own worst enemies at times.
Like I said, I work three days a week. There is a lot of studies out there and articles about how working Mothers can constantly feel torn, trapped in an endless cycle of the 'Mum guilt' of never quite being totally invested in one thing or the other. Feeling like they are bad Mothers because they work and aren't always there, and feeling like bad employees because they have a family, which sometimes means sacrifices in the work place have to be made. I can totally relate to this, and I could imagine the pressure is just that much greater with high level jobs or running your own business.
Going back into the work place after maternity leave was tough. As well as the pressure that you suddenly have to be a mature working lady again instead of watching Jeremy Kyle all day (don't worry I'm only half joking...) You are dealing with leaving your little bubba and leaving the lovely baby bubble of the last however many months. Personally I felt the guilt of having to go back when Rosie was 7 months. Due to pregnancy issues I took my maternity at 29 weeks so had another 10 weeks before Rosie was born, which of course was time that I could of had with Rosie rather than going back earlier. Could I have lasted longer working whilst pregnant? However I look back now and feel no regret. I needed that time to make sure Rosie was brought safely into the world, and I think it would have been just as tough, if not more going back when Rosie was slightly older.
'A Mother never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn't take them along'
This quote resonates quite a lot with me. Even when I'm at work, Rosie is still always in the back of my mind. She will always come first. I got upset the other day that my fiancé was going to take Rosie on a train for the first time and I wouldn't be there, due to work. I knew I was being unreasonable, a 'Mumzilla' if you will. I hated the thought of missing out on one of her 'firsts' even if it was a relatively small one. In reality, Rosie and her Dad spent quality time together, and I will get plenty of chances to go on a train with her, and besides she is none the wiser that I wasn't there. It doesn't make me less of a Mother if I'm not always there physically, because I will always, always be there for her emotionally.
There is often times when the house is a mess because I've been at work (don't worry this isn't some 1950's weirdness, my fiancé does his fair share but also works 5 days a week..) or there are times when I can't remember the last time I got to spend quality time with my fiancé. I feel bad because I am hardly ever free to see my friends. Then I stop and take a look around and think come on Sophie. Your friends love you anyway, the house is not important and will eventually get done, and its just a matter of time until we get to spend quality time together, something to look forward too. Why is it so easy to focus on the negatives? Is it the relentless social media influence that is so often a presence in our lives as Mothers?
I absolutely love that there is this 'Mum' community. Whether its Instagram, Blogs, YouTube etc, there is so many ways out there for Mothers to connect. However sometimes it can be misleading.. you have to remember that you see the 'highlight reel' of peoples lives. People rarely show their children's temper tantrums because they weren't allowed to crayon on the walls, or the mountain of washing up still left from last night . But its there, it happens, that's part of parenthood and part of life. Your child doesn't care about you being the 'super mum' you so often see, looking flawless, balancing all the parts of her life perfectly. To them you are just Mummy. They love you in your old fuzzy dressing gown rocking a Mum bun. They love you despite the fact that laundry bin has two (or three) times the amount it was designed to have in it. They love you if some evenings they have pizza and chips for dinner instead of a home cooked meal (I think they especially like this one) and they even love you if sometimes you have to go to work and miss there first train ride!
I feel like this is the part where I give the advice. But this is advice not only to other Mummas out there but advice I personally need to remind myself of and live my life by. Stop with the crazy Mum guilt. Have I spent enough time with Rosie today? Have I taught her new things? Am I doing everything right? How come that person does this with their child and I have never even thought to do that!? It goes on and on. If you have to work (or want to) then that is completely okay too. Its life! Your child will grow up more independent, know the value of work and money and appreciate what you've done to raise them.
I'm going to try and no longer list the things I haven't done or that need to still be done and focus on what I have achieved. I haven't lost the baby weight, I haven't tucked Rosie in the past few nights, I still need to de clutter the house, I still need to make dinner. Actually, I HAVE worked hard today to ensure we have enough money to live where we do (even if it is sometimes messy because of this), I HAVE just spent my last day off taking Rosie to the park, I HAVE brought home a Mc Donalds for tea. Its all about balance right? :)
There is often times when the house is a mess because I've been at work (don't worry this isn't some 1950's weirdness, my fiancé does his fair share but also works 5 days a week..) or there are times when I can't remember the last time I got to spend quality time with my fiancé. I feel bad because I am hardly ever free to see my friends. Then I stop and take a look around and think come on Sophie. Your friends love you anyway, the house is not important and will eventually get done, and its just a matter of time until we get to spend quality time together, something to look forward too. Why is it so easy to focus on the negatives? Is it the relentless social media influence that is so often a presence in our lives as Mothers?
I absolutely love that there is this 'Mum' community. Whether its Instagram, Blogs, YouTube etc, there is so many ways out there for Mothers to connect. However sometimes it can be misleading.. you have to remember that you see the 'highlight reel' of peoples lives. People rarely show their children's temper tantrums because they weren't allowed to crayon on the walls, or the mountain of washing up still left from last night . But its there, it happens, that's part of parenthood and part of life. Your child doesn't care about you being the 'super mum' you so often see, looking flawless, balancing all the parts of her life perfectly. To them you are just Mummy. They love you in your old fuzzy dressing gown rocking a Mum bun. They love you despite the fact that laundry bin has two (or three) times the amount it was designed to have in it. They love you if some evenings they have pizza and chips for dinner instead of a home cooked meal (I think they especially like this one) and they even love you if sometimes you have to go to work and miss there first train ride!
I feel like this is the part where I give the advice. But this is advice not only to other Mummas out there but advice I personally need to remind myself of and live my life by. Stop with the crazy Mum guilt. Have I spent enough time with Rosie today? Have I taught her new things? Am I doing everything right? How come that person does this with their child and I have never even thought to do that!? It goes on and on. If you have to work (or want to) then that is completely okay too. Its life! Your child will grow up more independent, know the value of work and money and appreciate what you've done to raise them.
I'm going to try and no longer list the things I haven't done or that need to still be done and focus on what I have achieved. I haven't lost the baby weight, I haven't tucked Rosie in the past few nights, I still need to de clutter the house, I still need to make dinner. Actually, I HAVE worked hard today to ensure we have enough money to live where we do (even if it is sometimes messy because of this), I HAVE just spent my last day off taking Rosie to the park, I HAVE brought home a Mc Donalds for tea. Its all about balance right? :)
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